Archive for June, 2009

I just woke up from this dream that was really cool.

Posted in celebrities, death, dreams, partying, rocking with tags , , , , , on June 30, 2009 by oldmandub

Listen to this as you read:

Gustav Holst, Levine – Mars, The Bringer of War

It started in Japan with the waking of Godzilla by sacred incantation. Then the dream whisked away to Africa where a lion was captured to be brought back to America. Fast forward and I’m at some huge fancy hotel in downtown Los Angeles where each floor has a different design. I’m staying in room 555 with my dad and mom and I’m putting on a tuxedo for a Halloween party. It turns out that other members of my extended family are also staying on the same floor, which has a large library in the center that can be accessed from numerous angles and has a piano in it. Somehow my iPhone gets wet and starts acting up so I leave it in the room to go to the party. At this point Godzilla is now outside the hotel just walking about while everyone inside is unaware. Nonetheless there’s total bedlam outside and the military is setting up its positions to take out the Japanese menace. While that is going on, the lion escapes from his cage and begins his hunt for human meat throughout the hotel. The really cool thing about this dream is how cinematic it is. For example, the shot of me deciding to leave my iPhone in the room and leave for the party starts zoomed in on me crouching over my suitcase examining the phone and then my aunt says, “Andrew, let’s go” and i say, “fuck it” and drop the phone. The shot pulls out from above the door as i stand up and walk out, leaving a wide open view of room’s window to show Godzilla lumbering past. The music appropriately changed at that revealing moment. My dreams have soundtracks, do yours?

At this point I become David Bowie and I’m attending a high class celebrity infused crazy ass party that’s happening on what turns out to be the floor right below my floor. I’m David Bowie and I’m The Devil for Halloween (or, is this just an ironic joke on my part for I really am David Bowie – THE DEVIL, and am just dressing up as The Devil for my own amusement?). I go to the party and see Brad Pitt talking to some pretty girl and in their snappy banter he reveals that indeed, yes, Batman exists in my dream world and is somewhere in L.A.. At this point what appears to be a lion comes stalking into the party. Everyone hushes and the music stops. But as the shot reveals more of the lion we see that it is actually just Bill Murry in a lion costume. Everyone is excited and the music starts again and then FLASH! a bright lights goes off, wind is ripping through the room and we immediately cut back to regular Andrew somewhere on another floor, keenly aware that something is afoot in this hotel. I’m not sure what it is but soon more people are beginning to panic. I become separated from my people and decide I need to go back to get my possibly broken iPhone from room 555 so I can make contact with my father who is somewhere else in the hotel. I go to the 5th floor and it turns out all the “3” numbered rooms are on the 5th floor and I deduce that the “5”s must be on the 7th floor. I get on the elevator with this old couple who are elegantly dressed for some ball that is happening on some other floor and I accidentally hit the button for the 6th floor, where I know the celebrity party is and something terribly wrong is happening. The doors open and my suspicions are confirmed when I immediately panic to horrifying screams, flashing lights, and flying furniture. It’s quite clear that evil spirits have invaded the celebrity party and that people are dying. I immediately hit the button for the 7th floor and the doors close before any mayhem can make it’s way in with us.

On the 7th floor I fly out the doors trying to find room 555 to get my iPhone so I can find my dad. As I run pass one corner we see another Godzilla cinematic shot out the window. Now the army is set up and is using some massive lightning/laser gun against the beast and there’s smoldering buildings and whatnot outside. Andrew the Hero doesn’t notice, but Andrew the Dream Weaver does and is curious, why isn’t Godzilla attacking THIS building? Anyway, there’s no time to explore this question further because the party goers in the library are all terrified, hiding behind what they can because none other than the Lion himself has found his way to the 7th floor where there are plenty of humans cowering in fear. And Lions love the smell of fear. I’m running through trying to use the library as a short cut when some lady behind the piano points behind me and screams, “Here he comes!” The Lion and I lock eyes. He approaches slowly, his shoulders undulating up and down, confident that I pose no challenge. Little does the Lion know, I know Karate and he lunges at me. I land a punch right in his face and he flies to the ground, only to pick himself up with intense speed and lunge again, but I duck out of the way and book it for room 555, directly ahead of me.

This is pretty much where I wake up: Godzilla is fighting the US Army outside my hotel that’s been invaded by celebrity killing ghosts and a hungry lion that now has a personal beef with me, the Karate wielding and still iPhoneless protagonist, and somewhere in the building is Batman who is taking his sweet time getting the King of the Jungle off my back, and I may or may not be David Bowie – The Devil. Definitely, the coolest dream I’ve had in a long time.


Something Strange In The Air

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on June 26, 2009 by oldmandub

It feels like it’s the morning of a holiday. Something like 4th of July and there’s a big party later and I’m killing time until then, having things I need to do that seem superfluous when there’s wild anticipation to manage and share. But all there is a dead Michael Jackson. And I haven’t had much social interaction today besides my mom and the facebook. Maybe I’m a lot more easily influenced by pop culture sensationalism. It’s everywhere.

Anyway, here’s this

Not To Hate On The Man, or Anything…

Posted in celebrities, death, world history with tags , , , on June 26, 2009 by oldmandub

Good ol’ MJ died today. The self-proclaimed King Of Pop who once carried a giant statue of himself around the world to finally place it on the exact spot in Moscow where once stood a comparably sized statue of Stalin had a big heart attack and hit the deck. Some people today kept saying stuff to me like, “Michael Jackson molested children. He’s a terrible person!” You know what I had to say?


It’s true. The man was a genius and a lunatic so I’m linking up my favorite parodies of Jacko from over the years. Let’s all have a laugh, shall we?

The last one is kinda mean, but it’s funny. The Jonathon Taylor Thomas as McCaully Culkin seems totally avant garde to me.

Michael’s Genius lives on!

Now playing: Michael Jackson – Jam
via FoxyTunes

Obama Picked The Wrong VP

Posted in politics, world history with tags , , , , on June 25, 2009 by oldmandub

Chappelle, had it right, once again. Joe Biden upholds the status quo. Should have picked Richardson! Look out!

Metal Mondays

Posted in partying, rocking with tags , , , , on June 25, 2009 by oldmandub

There’s this pretty cool bar here in Glassel Park, L.A. called Footsies. Besides having a comfortable outdoor smoking section where you can drink, a more than decent juke box, and hot bartenders, it also has this thing every Monday night called Metal Mondays where different DJs (usually members from local bands, sometimes of such note as ISIS) come and spin metal records. AND, as Wayne Campbell said, it’s “always a babe fest.” My friend and bandmate Eric Harris were axed to do it one night and we said, totes. Usually it’s just Pentagram’s “When The Scream Comes” or some semi lame Hardcore so we wanted to do some real metal, not just proto or lame. We decided to get some dark, scary shit, as well as the endlessly epic, mostly going for jams that just don’t get played on most Metal Mondays and that capture what makes metal such a dynamic and timeless genre of music. Here’s our mix in case some of you didn’t make it, (Thanks to our brothers in Holy Grail. I think you were the only ones that got to stick around!) available for download, and streaming right here if you’re just at work or drinking beers with buds. But I suggest DLing it and putting it on your iPhone to listen to while you drive or bike around.

The track list is in the comments. (Slightly edited for length).

Download: Famine And War

Listen: Famine and War

Ed Mcmahon has died

Posted in celebrities, death, TV with tags , , , , , on June 25, 2009 by oldmandub

I guess, for those of you who don’t know, Ed Mcmahon was Johnny Carson’s sidekick when Carson did the Tonight Show which was then taken over by Jay “The Chin” Leno, and now conquered and made funny by Conan O’Brien. He also did the publisher’s clearing house thing where he showed up at people’s houses with big checks and said, “you get money. It’s free.” Those commercials were on a lot when I was too young to own a house but just about the right age to watch TV in one.

I probably shouldn’t say this on here, but someone I know knows a guy who represented an insurance company who had a policy with someone rich like Hugh Heffner, who was being sued by Mcmahon for having some steps in front of his house. Mcmahon tripped on said steps [that’s legalize for the steps in front Hugh Heffner’s house] and broke his neck. This was a few months ago. He sued for like 2 million dollars cuz that’s what he said he could make if he didn’t have a broken neck. The dude that the dude I know knows that represented the insurance company’s job was to say, “yeah, right.”

Top 11 Things I Wish I Would Have Got Better At In My Youth

Posted in world history with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 25, 2009 by oldmandub

11. Spray painting naked Aztec ladies with massive heaving bosom on the hoods of El Caminos.

10. Killing Nazis in space with my bare hands.

9. Running opium in a hollowed out camel over the Hindu Kush mountains dressed in full burka regalia with Ed Mcmahon at my side so that every time we snuck pass Pakastani soldiers Ed could go “Hi-yo!” and then cheers our martinis.

8. Dancing with wolves.

7. Not amassing a horrendous ball of belly button lint in my belly button. It’s now not unlike that dude in Total Recall.

6. Writing that shredding guitar riff in the song “Killer Tofu” from Doug on Nickelodeon. But they were only going to pay me in Flinstones Vitamins that they insisted were Skittles. Me no dumb.

5. Synthesizing an amino peptide that could make me walk through walls to strangle Nazis by surprise in either Space or the back of a Volkswagon.

4. Being nice and awesome around, and excellent in the presence of, my friends’ younger sisters. You know. For later.

3. Being king of Lithuania and conducting a multi-front war on Eastern Europe to take all their women to breed into Victoria’s Secret models. Like a super model farm. Then I would have sold them to Victoria who would then design awesome boxers briefs that don’t stretch and become regular boxers when I ride my bike. That one really gets my goat.

2. Electrical Engineering. Failed. Miserably.

1. Inventing the internts. I could be rich. Like, Jesse Jackson rich.

Now playing: Scott Biram – Someday Baby
via FoxyTunes