sleeping

Stuck dwelling on shorter and faster days and the same ol’ me. Had so much time to experience and learn. I used college as a platform to learn about girls, drugs, music. Some how I’ve learned more about all that since college, but there’s no half-assed degree to back that all up. Someday, I’ll move on, I think. Right now, I hope. Measures have been taken. Usually in frustration and futility, some with fraternity, at least. There’s more to life than proving to myself how good of a time I can have. I really want what I do to mean something. But this day’s tossing and turning trying to develop a plan to nurture has me feeling stagnant. I might even be stagnant. Some things don’t mean what they used to, and others I forgot meant anything, even for a moment. I get sucked up in anticipation for events that fleet, or in the excitement of finding ideas that can get me up anew. A stage, an acceptance letter, my own business. And for some reason those moments are enough, like holidays coming up that require all my attention, relieving me from what my dad calls reality, but really when they’re over I’m here still the same, still stuck, sensing something missing.

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2 Responses to “sleeping”

  1. not gonna give you an answer, but just want to say that I have been feeling this way since we finished college, and even before then. Only recently(last month or so) am I starting to get a grip on things, getting more comfortable where I am, understanding what I want to accomplish. This has not come easy. I guess the only thing I can say is that I have tried to broaden my horizons as much as possible. By seeing so many different backgrounds, types of people, and landscapes over the last couple years, I believe I have opened up my mind a little. You dont need to travel to do this. You just need to be inquisitive and it comes to ya. Not because it happens to everyone, but because you are smart enough to think outside the box and recognize a gift horse in the mouth. It never is one thing that solves everything, think about it like a chess game where if you do this it opens up this and allows you to get this which is enough to do this. Hope that makes sense. Miss ya buddy.

    Oh, and I am not content nor have I solved my problems, I just have a plan now that I hope will work. Thats not much until I am looking back on an accomplishment

    • Yeah. It is pretty comfortable to know that others are feelings the same way. I get caught up in a lot of things around me. I think my real dilemma is that I’m somewhat lazy, lazy in that my work ethic is not that of pyramid builders, but I’m also in a city where I’m surrounded and distracted by things of society that are not nurturing of the person I have grown into. I’m trying to let that go without having to move because I think I need to confront it and defeat it head on before I can be free of it. I’m trying to simplify and satisfy what’s going on inside of me. I really refuse to feel again the way I did last week. It reminded me who I was when I was a teenager and I’ve fought hard to get away from that. Rock n’ Roll, learning, adventure. These are the values I want to embrace and practice.

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