Thoughts on Yard Theatre

On my walk today I noticed two deer standing tranquil in my neighbors’ yard. Even as I approached they remained still staring towards the street. One was up upright, a buck, and the other, a doe, lay elegantly beside her mate. At about the distance where my dog Ghost would have begun to spook the two deer I realized why they could remain so stoic: They were figurines. Two ceramic mimes portraying a sense of the wild.

At first I thought, get real, people. This is the suburbs and though, yes, I was fooled for a moment into thinking these decorative fauna may have wandered a few miles down from the mountains north of the neighborhood, their reality was nothing but civilian suburban cheese.

My next thought was, well, so what? Deer were once a creature you would see in these parts and there’s something refreshing about this small piece of decor in a landscape of bumptious manicured lawns. Yeah, a little bit of deer is ok.

But then I saw that the one on the ground, the doe, had a chain around her neck. What the fuck? I assume this was a preventive measure for theft, but were these bourgeois assholes totally unaware of the irony of chaining down a would-be wild animal in their front yard to act as pure ornamentation in order to enhance their Mayfieldian garden of Eden? Another suburban siren screaming, look at what I have, where are YOUR jungle friends, bitches!?!

Either way the peaceful scene I assume they were trying to enhance with a fake deer was totally obliterated by their insistence of keeping it locked up there, more of a testament to how out of touch these people really are from their environment. Yet I was happy to have something to reel back at and ponder for the next minute or so of my walk.


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