This will be the last time

This captain’s log idea was fucking stupid. 

And I must be much more stupid than I tell myself.

There’s no way I can be honest here about everything. I can’t let the emotional and personal bile that gurgles in the pits within me spill out. That sort of disgusting, putrid, vile shit doesn’t belong anywhere but stuck inside me.

That’s the kind of emotional heft that I need to keep inside me. Stuff I don’t want to let go. The kind of hatred, bitterness, and resentment can be useful if nurtured correctly. It can be a little ball of dark light burning inside my chest. Like Tony Stark, it’s two fold purpose will be to keep the metal shards from sinking into my heart and killing me, and also serve as a tiny nuclear generator to power my iron suit which I will use to accomplish my goals. My fuel to destroy the opposition. 

This is a good thing, my brothers and sisters. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gv4pARHf83c

 

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