Archive for the cinema Category

Here I Come To Save The Day

Posted in books, cinema, comics, partying, sex with tags , , , , , , , , , on July 25, 2013 by oldmandub

I’ve always wanted to go to Comic Con – San Diego. Ever since I was a child I’ve found comics to be a thrilling and exciting medium for art, capable of achieving breakthroughs in entertainment, concept, and physically impossible gigantic  titties on the tiniest of frames. For my small prepubescent brain, comic books were as much a milestone as internet porn was for my dad.

I finally got my chance to go this year. My friends Ethan and Parker both work for Legendary Films, the company that brought us all three of the latest Batman trilogy by Christopher Nolan, and the recent summer blockbuster, Pacific Rim, a nonstop action packed high octane cliché of a movie and yet totally awesome about giant monsters from another dimension rising out of the ocean to fight giant man piloted robots. They were there to promote all the latest that is Legendary and invited me to come down to drink booze, eat oysters, all at Legendary’s expense, and, best of all, gaze lecherously at the real life comic book babes strolling about town.

Wonder Woman was a popular choice amongst the ladies. This princess of the Amazon dressed provocatively even in the 1940’s when she got her start in comics, but it’s a whole new ball game today at Comic Con with surgically enhanced real life models and awkward yet prime 16 year olds all around you. Wonder Woman is a warrior princess fighting for truth, justice, and the American way, and has been an icon for feminism for decades. Now she seems to mostly be vying for male attention against Batgirl, Daenerys, and She-Ra. The competition is fierce, the targets, stiff.

As a hetero male with a healthy sexual appetite, raised on comics, video games, cartoons, and action movies, I was in heaven. And by heaven I think I mean hell, because this absurd display of hot sexy nerd dreams confined within this tight space with me in the middle induced frustration, panic, vertigo, and agoraphobia: despite the general symptoms of anxiety I still did not want to leave the building. Ever.

“Where’s the bar?” I asked one of the Wonder Women as she strolled pass me.

“Diana of Themyscira uses no staff. Only her lasso of truth!”

“Yeah, yeah, ok, cool, but I’m looking for the bar. There has to be one around here.”

“You know not of what you speak, man pig.”

“I’ll just go ask Tony Stark, thanks.”

That’s more or less how it went in there. These cosplay girls took their characters a little too seriously. (If you don’t know what cosplay is, it’s short for costume play. It’s not specifically sexual, but, clearly, it inherently is.) The guys weren’t much better.

“Hey, Inspector Gadget, tell me where the bar is.”

“Unhand me, villian!”

God damn it.

Metallica was set to play an exclusive show Friday night at an undisclosed location. The only way to get tickets was to sit through what I imagined to be an arduous panel put on by the band where they were to discuss their new 3D live concert movie mixed with a film narrative about a young roadie out in a apocalyptic riot outside the concert called Through the Never. There was no way I was going to sit through that shit, but I still wanted to go to the concert. I thought it would enhance my experience there at Comic Con and it had to be better than bouncing around bars and parties blaring house music from every orifice. Even a virtually nude Mother of Dragons couldn’t save me from the churning redundant beat of techno.

After a futile and exhausting search through downtown San Diego to find tickets I went back to our hotel bar to get a bunch of drinks and food at Legendary’s expense. While waiting for my food an older lady and her crew approached me.

“A boy like you shouldn’t look so sad at Comic Con. What’s the matter?”

“Aw, nothing. I just wanted to go see Metallica.”

“If I could get you Metallica tickets would that make you feel better?”

“Yeah. I guess.”

“Give me a minute.”

This lady must be James Hetfield’s mom or something because it wasn’t long before she called me saying she got me a ticket.

“Can you make it a +1?” I asked.

“Sure, no problem. Just hurry up.”

I turned to the gorgeous blond beside me.

“Hey, Catwoman. Wanna go see Metallica?”

God bless the bar.

A real life super hero rescuing a damsel from the distress of house music.

Comic Con is an extreme experience. There’s nothing else like it on earth. I can see why people come from all over the country and the world for just a few days of one of the most visceral displays of consumerism, materialism, and mayhem you can find anywhere. Hollywood, Madison Ave, and Silicon Valley may have expropriated the original dream of Comic Con, but it seems they have turned our young boy comic book fantasies into the closest thing to reality we could ever really get. I’ll definitely be there next year.



Posted in cinema with tags , , , , , , , , , , on August 24, 2009 by oldmandub

Vampires need to stop making love and start making war against humans. That’s what’s cool about vampires. And we all know it. I love True Blood, but the chief protagonist vampire, Bill, hates eating humans and likes screwing them. I can relate, but, that’s not what I’m looking for from my vampires. However,   there’s a Viking vampire named Eric who digs on human swine and that fulfills my thirst for real vampire shit. I haven’t seen Twilight but I hear that’s about vampires finding humanity and going out to human bars to pick up babes. Boring. At least Underworld, a wholly stupid disappointment considering it’s about an ancient war between werewolves and vampires, had a love story between vampire and werewolf. They could kill and eat humans together and then make the sweetest of loves in puddles of human blood (Theoretically. Like I said, disappointing.) I shouldn’t act like the vampire/human love dillema is a new phenomenon. After all, Bram Stoker’s Dracula was about Gary Oldman trying his damndest to steal Winona from Keanu. But he savagely destroyed puny humans in his way and seduced babes to drain their blood. He didn’t have love for humans, just foxes in committed relationships. You know, vampire shit. But what happened to the vampires of Lost Boys that partied with people on the beach and then when that was boring proceeded to rip their throats out and throw the waste into the bonfire? You know, vampire shit!

Thirst, from director Chan-Wook Park, director of the great Korean revenge movie Old Boy, explores the world of Vampire-on-Human action. It’s dark, bloody, at times funny, strongly sexually contented, and has some good murders. The cinematography is at times dazzling and haunting. It’s pretty long, felt even longer, and there were at least 3 times I was lead to believe it was about to time to stand up, and yet, it was not so. But I enjoyed it. Even the well-developed and complicated relationship between vampire and human. The trailer below will tell you the plot.

The Cove

Posted in cinema with tags on August 14, 2009 by oldmandub

This is some heavy shit. The Cove is a documentary centered around former dolphin trainer Ric O’Barry who has been tormented and thereby inspired by his role in wetting man’s appetite for the capturing and revaluing of dolphins as mere dancing bears. O’Barry had a change of heart as a young man when, Kathy, one of 5 of television’s Flipper, looked him in the eye, took her last breath, and sank to the bottom of the lake, an act he can only construe as suicide. The next day O’Barry was arrested for trying to release other dolphins and his been on his mission ever since. This film has a lot to teach about dolphins and the industries profiting from them, but the central plot follows O’Barry as he enlists a team of activists and adrenaline junkies to expose “The Cove” in Taiji, Japan, a gorgeous piece of rocky island landscape exploding with autumn colored deciduous trees hiding the ugly consequences there for herded dolphins. The team attempts and ultimately succeeds in doing so by sneaking in at night to set up hidden cameras designed to look like rocks, made specifically for O’Barry by Industrial Light and Magic. The scenes of their first attempt and second success are as tense and exciting as the bank robbery  in HEAT up until when Val Kilmer drops his smile and raises up his M4-A1 to unload at Al Pacino. Unfortunately, there is no exchange of fire in The Cove. You want these people running this operation to pay with blood. What O’Barry and his team are able to reveal with their hidden cameras is nothing less than horrific. The captured screams of dozens of dolphins crying for help is an eerie and unforgettable sound. I definitely recommend this movie, but I warn that I was a little shaken, and on my way out of the theater I noticed a woman with her face in her hands who had clearly been releasing a lot of water into her palms.

The Hurt Locker

Posted in cinema with tags , on August 5, 2009 by oldmandub

I was just going to let this go, but more and more of you have not even heard of this movie, and it’s important. Yes, it takes place in Baghdad in 2004, but that’s neither here, nor there. The political implications of that are as necessary to the plot as the socio-economic conundrum of a bunch of white people taking over a tropical island in LOST. What’s more at focus here in The Hurt Locker is how god damn intense it is to be in a war zone. Not since the opening scene in Saving Private Ryan have I felt as embedded in the reality of combat while watching a war movie. The Hurt Locker is about a US Army bomb squad unit who’s primary duty is to respond to reports of a roadside bomb and diffuse it. However, the Sargent leading the squad is an adrenaline crazed wild man who eschews all standard protocol to get his hands directly on the bomb, never mind who’s standing by with a finger on the button. This movie gets into a lot more deep shit about the various psychologies of the soldier, and maybe makes an indictment against the banality of ordinary family life in America, but I’m not writing a review. This is simply a recommendation to go see an amazing movie that will have you sweating in your seat. No shit. Just check out the trailer below and link to the opening scene on Hulu.—opening-sequence