Not enough gore from your Vampire movies to sate your blood thirst? Watch this British PSA on the dangers of texting while driving. Just listen to their jellied eels for help. These blokes might be up the apples and pears to Heaven.
Archive for the death Category
Some time ago some nerd kid I knew told me about a Texas sized piece of trash floating in the ocean. I took his word for it and soon told a friend of mine about it and he refused to believe me, saying that it would be impossible for such to exist without everyone knowing about it. Perplexed as to how I should now feel about it I then took it upon myself to do my own research. 4 years later, and a chapter I read in a book yesterday on the train, I have come to learn that indeed it does exist, and even some more deets about what is commonly referred to as The Great Pacific Garbage Patch.
Basically, how it works is there are currents that flow down the coast of California, across the Pacific, back up Japan into the Pacific, topped by the Alaskan and Oyashio currents that flow east-west, up and then back down, across the Pacific. This creates in the middle a slow-moving clockwise depression correctly known as the North Pacific Subtropical Gyre, and this is where all the garbage, 80% plastic, that flows predominantly from our coasts all ends up. The end result is a 10 million square mile heap of filth almost the size of Africa. It’s mostly made up of “nurdles”, micro sized grains of plastic that were eroded from bigger pieces, but are also the building blocks of plastics, melted down to make bottles and toys and shit. They are also the granules in most exfoliants washing out to sea with every soothing shower massage. Plastics act as magnets for poisons like DDT and PCBs. Because nurdles are so small, they get eaten by plankton thereby putting plastic at the bottom of the food chain. So for all of you vegetarians that still eat fish you might want to cross the chicken of the sea off of your list of snack time decor.
Since plastics haven’t been around long enough for us to really know how long they take to decompose it’s estimated that they’ll be in the seas and everywhere else for 10s of thousands of years. And there are six other major tropical oceanic gyres on the Earth, all whirling with garbage. According to Alan Weisman, author of The World Without Us “Plastic Debris…[is] now the most common surface feature of the world’s oceans… [Are] there any benign, less-immortal substitutes that civilization [can] convert to, lest the world be plastic-wrapped evermore?” On the bright side, when Galactus comes to devour the Earth all he has to do is poke a few holes with a fork, set global warming for MEDIUM at 5 1/2 minutes, give it a quarter turn, set it at HIGH for 2 minutes, let cool for 30 seconds, and then enjoy.
Good ol’ MJ died today. The self-proclaimed King Of Pop who once carried a giant statue of himself around the world to finally place it on the exact spot in Moscow where once stood a comparably sized statue of Stalin had a big heart attack and hit the deck. Some people today kept saying stuff to me like, “Michael Jackson molested children. He’s a terrible person!” You know what I had to say?
It’s true. The man was a genius and a lunatic so I’m linking up my favorite parodies of Jacko from over the years. Let’s all have a laugh, shall we?
The last one is kinda mean, but it’s funny. The Jonathon Taylor Thomas as McCaully Culkin seems totally avant garde to me.
Michael’s Genius lives on!
I guess, for those of you who don’t know, Ed Mcmahon was Johnny Carson’s sidekick when Carson did the Tonight Show which was then taken over by Jay “The Chin” Leno, and now conquered and made funny by Conan O’Brien. He also did the publisher’s clearing house thing where he showed up at people’s houses with big checks and said, “you get money. It’s free.” Those commercials were on a lot when I was too young to own a house but just about the right age to watch TV in one.
I probably shouldn’t say this on here, but someone I know knows a guy who represented an insurance company who had a policy with someone rich like Hugh Heffner, who was being sued by Mcmahon for having some steps in front of his house. Mcmahon tripped on said steps [that’s legalize for the steps in front Hugh Heffner’s house] and broke his neck. This was a few months ago. He sued for like 2 million dollars cuz that’s what he said he could make if he didn’t have a broken neck. The dude that the dude I know knows that represented the insurance company’s job was to say, “yeah, right.”